Overcome "I can't"

Sooner or later your kid will figure out how to say those two words good parents never let their children use: "I can't". We have been led to believe these words are unproductive, unambitious, and frankly un-American. President Barack Obama ran an entire campaign on the exact opposite -"Yes We Can". In the face of your child's frustration with something they clearly can't do right now, how do you keep your solemn vow to up hold the time honored prohibition on those vile words "I can't".

Get real and tell the truth! With most ventures we attempt in life and are unable to do, it is just a matter of time, creativity, and effort. So just say it that way. Let your kids know its okay to struggle with something and instead of "I can't", give them "I am struggling with..." or " (fill in the blank) is hard". In fact, they should see you having to work at something difficult every once in a while. The satifaction of figuring it out is a lesson that should be learned early in life. It pays dividends for years to come.

The next time you hear "I can't" give these ideas a try:

• Instead of telling them how to do it, get down on the floor or wherever and show them, but don't get it right the first time. Take a few cracks at it and get it wrong no matter how simple the task. Seeing you struggle lets them know they can identify with you. If daddy could figure it out then they can too.

• Be patient, we always want to fix stuff. That is not our job here. You will be amazed at what they figure out on their own if you wait a little longer before coming to the rescue.

• Our tendency with boys may be to say something like "yes you can, try harder". Cut your three year old some slack. Ask them what they are having trouble with and listen. Talk them through what they are working on step by step. If you have to, go back to the first suggestion.

What have you done to help you kids over come "I can't"?