How to apologize to a toddler

Recently I was compelled to apologize to my son for my bad behavior. I have to say it is humbling and weird to apologize to a toddler. I knew I was wrong, but at first I didn't think he would understand. Kids will amaze you - they get it.

This episode started with him banging a metal spoon against a glass bowl. I was sure he would break the bowl which I didn't want to clean up. Despite my requests to not hit the bowl and explaining what might happen, he continued.

Then I behaved in a way that I would not tolerate if he had done it to me or someone else. I snatched the spoon from his hand. Immediately, I knew I was not being the man I want my son to be. Of course that sent him into hysterics which I didn't feel too bad about. That stuff happens when he is frustrated or doesn't get what he wants.

The part that gave me pause was the sense of powerlessness in his eyes. In that moment between me rudely taking the spoon away and him screaming, he was thoroughly deflated. Now don't confuse me with some new age softy, consequences and boundaries are a kid's best friend. However, administering consequences without providing an opportunity to decide is mean. Since there wasn't any immediate danger I could have gone through my 1-2-3 routine or simply asked him to hand it over. Most of the time those options work well. This time I didn't give him a chance to exercise his decision making skills and that is the point of parenting.

So in the end, I pulled up next to him at the dinner table, looked him in the eye, and began to speak. I told him it was not polite to snatch things from people and that I apologized for doing it to him. His eyes were locked on mine, he could see my contrition. I asked him if he understood, to which he replied "yes". I extended my fist, he extended his and gave me a bump.

Peace restored, at least for now.